These days without work and without Jamie, without surfing and without travelling, without, without, without.... It's not quite like that. Days are full of richness - I breath, I am alive, alive, alive. How can I be anything but satisfied? And yet, the heart has longings at the same time as being content. It's all in the dualities. You can grief, and have a heart full of love. You can be full, but hungry at the same time, full of desire. You can miss someone with all your heart, and realise you have forgotton them at the same time.

I'm an early riser. I love the mornings. Jamie makes us a coffee, we snuggle, and have a shower. We have breakfast together, I hang out washing, feed the sourdough, check the chickens for eggs before the crows come a-cawin'. Thanks @dandays for the hard egg tip - I had four eggs today, which is the most I've had since we got back last weekend. They're sitting on the windowsill like trophies.

By 10, I am trying not to look at the surf cam. I can't look at the ocean if I can't slip between her folds. Rest, I'm told, fucking rest. Instead I take the compost out, drag a small fallen branch over to the fire, sit on a rubber mat and push beetroot seedlings into the earth. My hip complains. I am not ignoring it, but I'm also trying to pay it no mind. I don't want to pathologise.

By 11, I am wondering if it will make things a little better to have something tangible to suggest Today Is A Day Where I Have Done Something.

Lying on couch with an ice pack is for woman with tendonopathy, but that is not me. I text Mum for her recipe for Anzac biscuits. Have you heard of them? Anzac biscuits have long been associated with the Australian and New Zealand Army Corps (ANZAC) established in World War I - they appear at bake sales and we learn to make them at school. Apparently they were sent by wives to soldiers abroad because the ingredients do not spoil easily. Oats, golden syrup, butter - simple, good biscuits. Sometimes they're called butter oat snaps.

Mums variation is delicious. Sometimes they spread into hard, circular rounds, sometimes they're small. I don't know enough about baking to guess why, but they are good either way, and cheap. I make two batches, and eat too many.

On the couch, with an ice pack on my hip.

Oat Cookies

1cup (80g) rolled oats
1cup (140g) plain flour ( whole meal works well)
3/4 cup (60g) coconut
3/4 cup (160g) sugar
125g butter, melted
2 tablespoons (42g) honey (or Golden syrup)
2 tablespoons water
1 teaspoon bicarbonate soda

Combine dry ingredients. Mix in melted butter, honey, water and bicarbonate soda. Form spoonful of mixture into balls, flattened into biscuit shape. Place on greased or baking paper lined trays and bake for 10 mins 200 c. (Too hot for my oven - 180oC - check after 8 minutes).